The Lasso Way

I’ve recently discovered the joys of the TV programme Ted Lasso. A good friend recommended it to me years ago, but I’m afraid my many years as a sports widow led to resentments that made me far too judgey of football to give it a shot.

Well I delayed to my own detriment, or perhaps now was exactly when I was meant to find it, as I’m in need of some absorbing escapism that ticks all the right emotional boxes.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s a feel-good (then sad but then good again) comedy about an American Football coach who coaches an English Premiership team. It has some hilarious parodies of some famous football players that even I was able to recognise (far too much football knowledge has seeped unbidden into my brain over the years, what have you done to me husband?! )

My daughter has just jumped onto the Lasso bandwagon, watching two series in a week so that we can embark on series four together. Imagine her frustration when she waited all day for her busy parents to sit down and watch series 4 with her, only to realise they’re doing it old school and releasing one episode a week!

Suits me, I like a bit of savouring, and it’s time the current generation remembered good things come to those who wait (oh no, mid-life what have you done to me?!)

One of Ted’s mottos is a quote from Walt Whitman: be curious, not judgemental. Ted’s modelling of a non-judgemental approach helps many of his team open up and get curious about what’s going on with each other. I’ve lost my curiosity a little lately in the busyness of life, and it feels good to be reminded that curiosity is the path to an open heart and an open mind (Melanie at Wells of Goodness also reminds me of this on a weekly basis and if you haven’t read her Substack you’re missing a weekly dose of dazzling).

Ted also teaches his team to ‘be a goldfish’ and not to dwell on mistakes. I need this reminder in my life! I don’t dwell on mistakes so much as have a pernicious tendency to want to avoid all the future ones I might make, leading me to agonise over the ‘right’ decision. Ted’s focus on self-compassion and gracefully letting go of embarrassment reminds me not to fear getting things wrong: life is full of mistakes, they’re all part of the growth process.

Ted’s own struggle with anxiety struck a chord with me. I’ve been a ‘stuffer’ of emotions over the years, and I’m no stranger to the high-pitched ringing noise Ted hears when he’s on the verge of a panic attack. I thought this portion of the show was handled really well. Ted is optimistic, but even the most positive people have negative experiences and emotions they need to deal with.

Big emotions are present throughout the show, but it’s how the characters work through them and come together through vulnerability, communication and forgiveness that appeals to me. What would life be like if we could all forgive each other (and ourselves) so easily? I’m still trying to convince my daughter to release a years-old grudge against her brother from when he locked her out of her Roblox account, she hasn’t fully let it go but Ted Lasso put a chink in the armour!

I once wrote a post on the contagion of kindness and I see this clearly in Ted Lasso. Ted shows love, non-judgement and kindness to everyone. Characters who were self-absorbed, egotistical and hurtful become kinder, and in doing so become better versions of themselves, whilst still being very much their flawed, human selves. So many of the characters have growth arcs, they still make mistakes and still go back to square one at times, but even back at at the beginning they have a little more insight than they did before, and I found this entirely relatable. Even Rupert, the most unredeemable character in the show, occasionally has some lightbulb moments. Whilst he never quite manages to become the better version of himself, we see glimmers of who he could be if he chose to be kinder.

The whole show is an education in how to be humble and reminds me of the Buddhist concept of beginner’s mind. Ted knows nothing about English football when he takes the job to coach a Premiership football team, but he doesn’t let what he doesn’t know hold him back, instead he proceeds with an open mind and a willingness to learn, empowering his players through his non-hierarchical approach. I wonder what Government, the workplace, the education sector and indeed the world would be like if the Lasso Way became the core ethos?

As Trent Crimm (The Independent) says,

“If the Lasso way is wrong, it’s hard to imagine being right.”

So this week I shall be resolving to be more Ted Lasso with a little bit of Keeley, Higgins & Rebecca thrown in, whilst not being afraid to channel by inner Roy Kent when I need him. And if you haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about then get curious and find out!

Images by Shannon Kunkle and Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash.